Did Final Fantasy 16 sell well? Yes! Did Final Fantasy 16 sell terribly? Also yes! It really depends on who you ask. Nobody’s disagreeing on the numbers. They’re just disagreeing on what those numbers mean. Obviously, Final Fantasy 16 selling three million copies as a PS5 exclusive means it’s saved the series. Obviously, Final Fantasy 16 selling three million copies as a PS5 exclusive means the series has strayed too far and been lost forever.
That’s the big complaint you’ll hear from the detractors: Final Fantasy has lost its way. The argument is that Square Enix has abandoned the series’ fun sense of adventure and roleplaying game roots to appeal to Western audiences. Which apparently means Final Fantasy 16 featuring lots of people saying “fuck” to the extent that it’s kind of goofy. People just sit their ass down and go “fuuuuuck.” It makes me laugh every time.
Yes, Final Fantasy 16 is more violent than past entries in the series and it definitely dialed up its sexuality. But the series has always been evolving. Sex has been implied plenty of times. Squall in Final Fantasy 8 had a sword that was also a gun, which feels a lot more violent than Clive making his dog bite you.
It’s clear that for a lot of fans, Final Fantasy has changed too much. It’s gone too far away from its roots. But it’s not too late. Even if Final Fantasy 16 was where you got off the train, get back on that train, because this train is headed towards “List Station.” Jesus Christ I hate myself.
Anyway, here’s how to fix Final Fantasy:
Bring Back Turn-Based Battles Or Just Realize That All Of Life is Turn-Based When You Think About It
If there’s one complaint from old fans, it’s that Final Fantasy 16 has strayed too far with its action-based combat system. Final Fantasy used to have turn-based battles! Well, sort of. They had turn-based battles. And then they had turn-based battles but enemies could act if you didn’t take your turn. And then they had turn-based battles that didn’t look like turn-based battles but still were because characters politely waited to cast spells.
Turn-based combat is at the core of Final Fantasy. For years it was a part of the series’ very aesthetic, with giant enemies and gorgeous summon spells. While the intricacies of how the battles worked changed game to game, they were familiar. And sometimes in a legacy series like Final Fantasy, you want to feel that pull of tradition.
But when you think about it, everything is actually turn-based. Right? Our neurons perceive something, interpret the information, then fire back. That feels like a turn. And you gotta wait for Clive’s lightning boom thing to charge and that’s sort of a turn, too. And the enemies are pretty much waiting around for you to show up, so you could say they were waiting for a turn. Under this definition, Doom Eternal is also turn-based, which is a net positive.
Make Everyone In Them Talk About Their Stat Numbers So We All Can Agree This Is A Real Roleplaying Game
I’ll be honest, Final Fantasy 16’s more traditional role playing elements didn’t feel like they really mattered. Sure, leveling up is always a dopamine rush, but even upgrading equipment rarely felt like it made a big difference. You can’t just grind - it takes some skill to play Final Fantasy 16 on higher difficulty levels. And that can be disappointing if you’re used to a more stats-based approach to RPGs like D&D.
So here’s my pitch: Just make everyone talk about their stat numbers so fans know it’s a roleplaying game. Have NPC barks in the background like, “Oh, man, my endurance score is minus two today!” Make an inn wench be like, “If you give me 100 gold, you will revive 50 hit points.” Boom. Roleplaying game. Nobody can debate that ever again. It doesn’t matter what’s happening under the hood of a game: if a number isn’t appearing above an enemy’s head, I refuse to believe I’m doing any damage at all.
Put Even More Final Fantasy References In Final Fantasy Games So Everyone Knows They’re Final Fantasy Games
Are there enough Final Fantasy references in modern Final Fantasy games? I don’t think there are. I think we need to shove in as many references as possible so any person who’s even looked at a Final Fantasy game will do their best Captain America meme. One way Final Fantasy 16 does this is by turning its characters into pixel art in the save file.
That’s cute! But not enough. I need every moment of every Final Fantasy game to be a pat on the back for playing every other Final Fantasy game. Forget new riffs on old music or framing cutscene shots to callback to earlier series highlights. Let’s just have the main characters sit around a table and read outloud the Wikipedia page for each of the other games. After concluding each entry, they all look at each other and nod and say, “Now that’s Final Fantasy.”
I want a game that’s like World of Final Fantasy multiplied by Chocobo’s Mystery Dungeon. Just stuff it full of things I already know about. Do not put in anything I don’t know about. As a paying consumer of art, I demand that it stops at the exact moment wonder has left my life.
Make Individual Final Fantasy Games For Every Fan Based On What They Liked When They Were 13
What if Square Enix just asked each of us what we liked about Final Fantasy when we first started playing the series as children? Then they could take what we liked as children and turn that into a game! Of course, it would require Square Enix to develop an individual game for every person based on wildly different tastes that span almost four decades. Normally, this would include completely contrary elements that somehow both feel like Final Fantasy. But here’s the cool part: They should just make a game for each of us.
Oh, I’m not talking about AI. I’m not talking about machine learning. I’m talking about a complete team of dedicated professional artisans making a Final Fantasy game for each individual person so those fans can’t feel like they’ve been abandoned by a company’s creative decision. Call us up on the phone. Talk to us about our needs. Spend a year making a PS1-style game that still won’t feel right. The most important part of loving something is making sure it never, ever changes.
More Gav
He’s the best part of Final Fantasy 16 and we deserve more goddamnit.