Baldur’s Gate 3 has taken over my life, and the lives of many of my friends. One assumed that I had a pre-release build and verbally accosted me for saying I wouldn’t break embargo for him. (It’s hard to blame him.) Another has been giving me regular updates on the horrible things his Dark Urge character has done and exactly how many companions he’s accidentally murdered. I’m watching Instagram stories where people I know have been posting pictures of their lovingly-crafted custom characters for admiration. More than anything though, people have been talking about which characters they’ve been able to bone down with, and I simply cannot relate.
Perhaps it’s because the combat difficulty has been kicking my ass, but I simply do not have the time, energy, or inclination to be attempting to seduce the many companions that Larian has kindly put in front of me. I admire them respectfully because most of them are very attractive, yes, but perhaps I have just been to too much therapy to feel the desire to get to know them intimately.
Astarion’s slutty vampire thing is hot, yes, but also he’s shady and I don’t trust him, and I would never bang someone I don’t trust. Shadowheart is mean, and I don’t like mean girls because I deserve to feel valued and respected off the bat. Wyll and Gale are human men and therefore less interesting to me by default. Lae’zel is a touch too evil for my taste. I feel like the only one I would throw myself at is Karlach, but I’ve been too busy trying to save this grove of Tieflings to hunt her down and ask her to marry me.
To be fair, romancing characters is never a priority to me in any RPG. I’m always more interested in the macro aspects, which is why games like Mass Effect and Knights of the Old Republic grip me – I love a big, overarching, galaxy-spanning plot that feels bigger than me. If the main quest has me influencing politics, creating interplanetary alliances, or saving the damn universe, I am not very interested in who on my spaceship I can sleep with and who likes me.
It feels minuscule in comparison. So far, Baldur’s Gate 3’s stakes seem lower and more interpersonal, which is why I’m starting to doubt my decision not to try to engage romantically with the people I travel and fight with. After all, some of the best parts of my favourite RPGs are the characters and their backstories.
I’ve always found it a little strange that the inevitable conclusion of making a close friend in an RPG is that you get to smooch them, and maybe that’s what’s holding me back. I am invested in these characters, and I want to get to know them and understand why they are the way that they are, but I don’t necessarily want to sleep with all of them just to say I did it. I wouldn’t do that in real life, so if I’m committing to roleplaying, why would I do that in the game? These characters are so well-written, and I want to know them for who they are, not for a cut scene where we hook up. Maybe I’m just a video game prude, but I’m just not seeing a point in doing that right now. That said, I’ll probably change my mind when I find Karlach.